Saturday, September 27, 2008

Understanding My Click-Click

There are days when I spend hours trolling the nets, clicking from here to there.. repeating the same steps over and over again:

Something new??

Click and repeat.

Clicking out to new links, then back to the home space. Click, move, read, move, click, click, click. I'm always anxious and become more anxious in the movement. It's compulsion in medium high gear. It's obsession and hunger and anxiety and emptiness.

I have always thought that it's me saying FEED ME. Entertain Me. Engage Me. Notice Me.

I just figured out that it's really me looking for the inspiration to engage myself. What I'm compulsively looking for isn't anything external. It's not the latest viral video or piece of gossip. It's not a a new friend. It's myself.

I'm trying to escape having to deal with myself.

Those are the times when I need to be blogging. My concentration is down to mere milliseconds, but I need to take a deep cleansing breath, open my editor and begin to discover what I'm running away from in my soul.

I also blog at: Weight for Deb and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

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