Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Step One: Do Step Two: Own It Proudly

Yesterday I wrote about some of the negative messages I spend too much time listening to. I call them "my demons." They seem to believe that I like to hear them, or I believe them, or something. They're wrong.

Truth is, I am over them but they refuse to leave. I had gone years without a peep out of these demons; this year they won't do me the kindness of getting some psychic laryngitis. I'm threatening to grow beyond them, to disobey them, to dismiss them. They don't want to go without a fight.

When people stood between the demons and myself, I truly enjoyed them not rolling around my head. It was quiet in there; there was room to day dream a future and to enjoy the present. Those are two of the very best actions to stifle, subdue and eventually silence negative messages you don't need anymore. If I'm fully present in the moment, there's less space for them to be yammering in the background.

I'm (finally) learning how to deal with them when they're here. I thought action, any action, would work, but it won't. I can jump on a treadmill and walk 10 miles; I can walk the dogs until they're curling up under the shade of the nearest bush and begging for a rest. This is one instance where merely moving ain't cutting it.

I have to accomplish something. It barely matters what I accomplish (one weekend I shut them up by scrubbing the bath tub) as long as it's something. However, when it is working toward a goal of mine.. all the better.

It also helps if I acknowledge to myself that I accomplished something. Brag about it a little. Show a little pride to myself. I may have scrubbed the bath tub, but I did mighty fine job of it. Maybe the best job of scrubbing a bath tub that's ever been done. If I let myself think "I just scrubbed the bath tub."... the work would be naught. I diminish myself when I diminish my accomplishments. And, lo, the demons like that.

I'm going to set up an accomplishment list just for me.

At the moment there is a whiteboard in my work room with a list of things to do on it, catagorized by the part of my life: "home", "writing", "creative", etc. I've not changed the list in about 8 months, and I do not look at the board. It's probably one of the things keeping me from walking into my workroom. The unrecognized plans, the unaccomplishments, the energy leak, the path not taken.

I will take down that guilty white board and clean it clean until it shines in all it's shiny whiteness. Then I will grab a bunch of colored markers and start writing down my accomplishments. Uncatagorized. Messy. Proud. Maybe with crowns and stars and exclamation points.
Step one: Do.
Step two: Own It Proudly.

I also blog at: Deb's Daily Distractions and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

No comments: