Saturday, December 01, 2007

My Better Angels

My mind has been a bit of everywhere this week, and as a result the blogposts have been too. Here, there or non-existant. Take your pick. Choose all. It's true.

I've been thinking about one of my great characteristic flaws. I see it in other people and it used to make me angry. But I recognize it in myself, so now I'm moving toward understanding and guidance.

Understanding that I'm flawed and others share the same flaw.

Understanding that I don't truly WANT to behave this way, but it's comforting and bit safe.

Understanding that others with the same flaw may feel the same way but not know how to change and still feel safe.

My flaw? I can see dreams and hopes and changes and better things for me. I truly can. And when I see them, I get scared. I procrastinate; I perfectionize (I don't know if this is a real word, but I LOVE it.) I wait until everything is in place and perfect before I contemplate acting. (How many things can be perfect before you do them?? yeah...) I make excuses.

I stand in my way of getting to the things I want because then I will have no excuses.

This week, I've decided that I can't really do this all on my own. So I've enlisted a couple angels. People who understand what's behind the procrastination (possibly because they have the same flaw?? Possibly. Possibly not). People who can imagine the things I see. People who don't want me to quit.

When I mentally opened myself up to the idea of accepting encouragement from people, I found it flying toward me from every directions. Amazing. Keep it up, y'all, because I need it.

And my angels? I'm giving them a thread tied around my soul and asking them to hold on. To ask me if I've accomplished tasks, and to call me on my excuses. To catch me when I'm stumbling blind with uncertainty, and pull me back when my imaginings get to far ahead of my happenings.

In this season of angels, mine are a shiny special troupe bound with colorful threads.

I also blog at: Deb's Daily Distractions and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.

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