Saturday, May 12, 2007

Finding a Balance.

The lilacs have faded to brown now, but in their prime they were so pretty!

This past week I was thinking about lists on blogs.

Looking at my own blog, I don’t have any!! I do occasionally write an entry that’s a list of thing to accomplish, or a meme that's a list of things, but no other lists extant on the page. Do lists make us more interesting to others or more mundane? Would I share something truly revealing about myself on a list? Would anything there work to make me for productive, more interesting, more "ME"?

Nope, I don't think so.

I do have my tag cloud.. which is a more sophisticated kind of list. I have my Amazon wishlist (which I forget to update)... and lists of blogs. Would anything more just be more noise and clutter? Do I just need to clean up the sidebar and make it pretty again? Or maybe have the whole blog redesigned?

Too many questions for a Saturday morning.

While I think there is some potentially interesting lists on other blogs, I guess I don't want anything more on this one. Maybe paring it down to less. Cleaner. Quieter. Calmer.

I've started to notice an emotional disconnect between myself and the words on the screen. They used to feel more real to me than the words I'd put down on a page; more attached to the person I am at the moment. I would often write with little self-editing, then go back and polish for grammar and spelling, but not for truth or emotion. I don't feel that now.

Now there is a lot going on in my head that I don't want to share. That I hold back, keep private. And in doing so I'm holding back too much of me to connect to the screen. I'm developing a taste for wood pulp and ink. White boards and erasable markers. Calendars. Things I can touch and keep private.

I'm holding back too much and losing my balance between the real and cyber worlds, toppling first to one side then the other. I need to find my balance between my public me and my way too private side.

For next week: Work On Balance.

Check out my other blog: Deb's Daily Distractions

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