Monday, June 16, 2008

Influences in Relationships

The questions was asked on Twitter:

In friendships/relationships are you most influenced by:

For myself, the primary influence in a friendship or personal relationship is always #4: how they make me feel. Or, more accurately, how do I feel in their presence? I know that my feelings are mine to make and own. Nobody can truly "make me" feel one way or another. I act or react to you based upon my own conditions.

Still, I want to feel something when in you're around:

Joy when I first see you.
Compassion when you are troubled.
Concern when I am troubled.
Understanding when I express concern.
Delight when I share a success.
Interest when I'm speaking.
And more.

These said, I think the strongest predictor on our attachment in a relationship is that first unguarded reaction when me come together. Does my soul lighten upon seeing you? Does your face brighten? If neither of us react at all, if our souls are not connecting, do we have a relationship, or are we just going through the motions?

The second most important quality in a relationship to me would be a tie between How They Treat Me and What They Tell Me.

Aren't both indicators trust and respect? These seem manifestations of the qualities I bring to a relationship, and qualities I want returned in a relations. Treat with kindly, gently, honestly. Don't lie to me, don't hide things from me, don't tell me things that make other relationships awkward.

As far as "who you are"? I could less.

Then another question:

For me, that #5 would be Sense of Humor. An ordering of the degrees would be:

4 reliability
3 kindness
5 humor
2 honesty
1 intelligence.

Again, these seem to that these once again return to the first quality: How I Feel Because We Have a Relationship.

If you are reliabile, I can trust;
If you are kind; I can let down my guard.
If you possess humor, I can show you my weaknesses.
If you are honest, I can believe in you.
If you are intelligent, we can expand our horizons.

Using Laura questions, how do you evalutate our relations?

I also blog at: Deb's Daily Distractions and BlogHer on Mondays and Saturdays.


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