I'm in the middle of my March depression. I get a spell of this every quarter... predictable themes at different times of the year. I used to take antidepressants, but though they levelled things out a bit, they didn't help with these spells. So I stopped. The shrinks I saw in the 20s brought up key points, but often muddied the waters more than they cleared them. So I've learned to work through these.

Usually I have to deal with some aspect of self-doubt.

March, I have to deal with loss and what effect I am leaving on the world (note to self: perhaps I should rent The Five People You Meet In Heaven). Odd, I know, that the season of rebirth should have me dealing with death, but it does. Two grandparents died in the spring when I was a teenager (and 2 at the winter holiday time). My father died in March 2 years ago. I put a young puppy to sleep in March (back in 1993. the same day that the Cleveland Indians lost all their relief pitchers in a boating accident. Almost 12 years ago today). And another dog was lost forever in a park in March; two weeks before my father died.

So I'm outside digging in the garden... making myself move... and looking at the new growth. But feeling more like the weeds I'm pulling out than the plants that are waking up.

This is going to pass. I can hardly wait. No, really, I can hardly wait. In the meantime, I'm weeding my garden.